Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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