The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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