Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
