Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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