Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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