omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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