I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
