he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize