Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
