Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
