Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
