I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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