Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
