Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
