I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
