OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's Friday. Sex?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
