dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
