My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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