And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
