and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
