his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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