I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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