I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
