I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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