You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
