i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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