Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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