Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
