She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
