she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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