OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
