she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
