you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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