He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
