you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
