yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
