If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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