Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
