I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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