Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
