mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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