all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
