Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
