My friends, they love my intelligence
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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