i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
