I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Rumble strips road head = magical
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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