Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
