What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
