I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
