Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
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OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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