Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
