If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
