can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
