I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
