I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
