just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
