I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
