So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
