i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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