i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
