made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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