also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize