i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
