Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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