Your face is a jimmy john
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I died a long time ago.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
