I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
