Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
