Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
