the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
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she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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