Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
