he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
