when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sober January is a disaster.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
