i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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