yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she pinky promised me she was 18
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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